Giveaways They Might be ‘Woke-fishing’!
Our relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr (On Twitter & Instagram @drpamspurr) shares her top signs to look for about whether their intentions are right.
I do love a new dating term and recently I came across ‘woke-fishing’. What's that? I hear you say. The starting point is if you take the definition of 'woke' as caring about all sorts of social issues and challenges people face. Also, it's supposedly about being kind. And it's about being aware of the privileges some in society have, etc.
Woke-fishing means that someone is pretending to be kind and caring - just to reel you in - because they think that's what you want. It's a pretence to being all-nurturing and full of empathy and understanding.
Sadly, I'm not surprised this new term exists. Some singles will try all sorts of things to appeal to someone they are attracted to. In this case they noticed that you care about all sorts of causes. And that you are always trying to be kind. So they decide to show you their caring and 'woke' side.
Whether or not they can keep that up in the long term - if that's not their natural personality - is a big question. They might discover that they have a more empathic side. Or they might start to reveal their true nature and that they disagree with many things you hold to be important.
Just to clarify, some people have quite valid concerns about 'wokeness' - not everyone sees it as completely positive. It's a tricky area all about your beliefs and opinions and of course we don't all agree.
Here are three main behaviours to watch for indicating they're faking it:
* You meet up at a bar, restaurant, cafe, etc. Then they have a drink or two and suddenly they're criticising, for example, the looks of someone in the bar. Something you would be too tactful to do. It seems out of character and when they see the look on your face they stop with the criticisms.
* You meet their friends and realise they're not your sort of people. They're more frank - some would say more honest - than you are. Maybe they're sarcastic and always taking the 'p' out of something. Joking around is one thing but it's simply not your more 'caring-sharing' sense of humour. You feel uncomfortable.
* You catch sight of something they've posted on social media that is really out of character from how they have been portraying themself to you. It doesn't chime with your outlook and opinions on life. There's maybe no right or wrong to it, but you don't like their post.
The big question is do you still fancy them after they reveal their truer self? Are you happy to date someone that you tend to disagree with particularly on social issues? Some people like a bit of friendly sparring with a potential partner. Others wouldn't countenance it and want someone that they feel they are really in sync with.
The decision is yours! Good luck and happy dating, Pam x
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Follow Dr Pam on Twitter @drpamspurr and at drpam.co.uk
